Friday, April 06, 2007

The WRONG Holly Jacobs


Rumor has it that a certain professor feels I'm the wrong Holly Jacobs.

Okay, you're scratching your head. Let me back up. For a classroom assignment, a professor told his class to write an obituary, then assigned them a person to write it about and assured them that they could find enough info on Google to do write their obit. A girl named Kristi was assigned...Holly Jacobs. She googled the name and...there I was. 96 out of the first 100 entries were about me. And Kristi wrote my obit. I died on Lake Erie in March. Now, she didn't mention how I died on the lake, but I'm sure I was doing something exciting. March...on the lake. Hmm. I was probably ice fishing and caught a whale of a fish. Now, you probably think I'm going to say the fish pulled me in, but no. I was so excited about that fish that I did one of my goofy, Snoopy dances of joy...on ice. I slipped, hit my head and died. Sad, isn't it? I digress.

Anyway, Kristi wrote a lovely obit. Talked about my tragic death, the family I left behind (and would someone please tell my son, I forgive him for leaving so many clothes on the floor that I haven't seen his carpet in months), and the books I've written, and was about to write. It was nice to see my life summed up by someone else. She turned it in to the professor, and he gave it back without a grade. When Kristi asked about it, he told her, "You've got the wrong Holly Jacobs."

Now, I'll confess, I've always felt like the right Holly Jacobs. But maybe I was wrong. So I called someone who should know... my mom. She assured me that after being in labor for thirty-eight hours with me, she was positive I was the right Holly Jacobs. I asked my husband, he asked if I wasn't the right Holly, did he have to pay alimony? Then he asked, what's the other Holly look like? Oh, yeah, I married a funny man. Friends and children assured me of my rightness. And of course, my dog, Ethel Merman, thinks I'm the right one. But I wasn't right enough for Kristi's professor.

I feel guilty. As if the ten years of my writing life haven't been quite enough to make me the right Holly Jacobs. That maybe I should have worked harder, written more, done something else in order to be the right Holly Jacobs. But alas, I didn't, and poor Kristi has to pay the price for my slacking with a gradeless obituary. SIGH.

Poor Kristi, I was the wrong Holly Jacobs.

My poor mom, who was in labor for an absurd amount of time in order to bring...the wrong Holly into the world.

My poor husband...okay, so he's not going to be poor if he can get away without paying alimony and the other Holly's better looking.

My poor kids, maybe that other Holly would have been a better mother? Maybe she wouldn't have nagged my son about those dirty clothes on the floor?

Poor Ethel Merman, she still thinks I'm the right Holly, but she's a dog, and not overly bright, so what does she know?

And that poor professor, who, if he met me might find he liked me and even if I wasn't the right Holly Jacobs, I was certainly worth of an obituary.

Geesh. Talk about questioning your existence.

Holly
The wrong Holly Jacobs.

14 comments:

  1. I'm not sure if I should laugh or not. (g) It's sort of funny.

    And yet, that professor is a nitwit. If you only give the student a name and tell her it's the name of a famous person and she should just Google said name, and that name turns up a DIFFERENT famous person, well...I say that's the professor's fault for not doing his own homework first. He should have Googled the names before he assigned them. Or given some indication of WHO this "famous" person was.

    Obviously the other Holly Jacobs can't be that famous. I've never heard of her. I only know MY Holly Jacobs. (g)

    Kristi needs to complain to the head of the department.

    Holl, you'll always be the right Holly Jacobs to me.

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  2. Susan,

    Thanks! Although, as a friend, you might be biased in your opinion of my rightness! LOL

    Holly

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  3. Found this blog through Ninclink. It's the funniest damn thing I"ve read all week.

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  5. Tess,

    I haven't stopped laughing, despite my guilt over Kristi's grade!

    Holly

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  6. Holly, you are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh!

    ANd to me, dahling, you will always be the right Holly Jacobs.

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  7. Tracy,

    Ah...thanks!

    Holly

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  8. This is one of the best blogs I've read in a while, and I read a lot of blogs. ;) Definitely in the top ten -- I think it could even be a good romance premise, Holly -- what a great way to meet!

    I agree, Susan, the student should get the grade. Prof was vague.

    Holly, you are the ONLY Holly Jacobs to most of us -- who is this other imposter? Did you find out?

    Sam

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  9. Sam,

    I'm sure the other Holly Jacobs is delightful...maybe a cosmic twin even! Of course, since she's the right Holly and I'm the wrong, I'm probably the bad twin! LOL

    Glad you liked the blog! It's been a great way to procrastinate today! LOL

    Holly...the bad twin!

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  10. Greetings!

    I heard about "The Wrong Holly Jacobs" through one of my writers' groups, and just had to swing by and read the whole story.

    I feel a bit sorry for the "right" Holly Jacobs... imagine what misfortunes might befall her in writing when the unfortunate (and likely frustrated) student has to write a revised mock obit?

    I'd quote Hamlet, but you never know... he might be the wrong Hamlet.... ;)

    Cheers,
    Jade
    _________________
    Brainripples
    http://brainripples.wordpress.com/

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  11. Only you, Holly, could turn this into such a funny post. Poor, Kristi. Although I feel no sympathy for your family -- they got YOU, definitely the right Holly!

    Bron

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  12. Jade, LOL Poor wrong Hamlet...as if he didn't have enough problems!

    And thanks Bron, I'll pass your comment on to my family, but I think they still want to check out what they're missing with the Right Holly Jacobs! LOL

    Holly

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  13. Well my dear, to me you have always, always been the one the only and the totally right - and 'lovely' Holly Jacobs - so any other must be the 'wrong' one

    love

    Kate

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  14. Kate,

    As a friend, you might be biased...but hey, I'll take it! LOL Thanks!

    Holly

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