Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Moving South

I’ve had four lovely children, and with each one I’ve noticed the urge to move south only increases. Not in an actual, let’s-move-to-Orlando sort of way. We’re a few more years away from retirement, after all. No, I’m not thinking about relocating my household there, but it seems as if certain body parts are quite willing to begin the trip south without me, and the thought it terrifying.

You see, I loved my grandma. She was a woman who began doing a "man’s" job during WWII, and worked at the factory until she retired. My grandfather divorced her when he returned from the war, leaving her to singlehandedly raise my mother. Oh, my grandmother was an occasionally gruff to the point of rude woman, but she was an amazingly strong one. There are many of her qualities I hope to attain as I grow older, but that southernly migration isn’t one of them. You see, my grandmother was also endowed with...well, endowed. As her endowments began to move south, she just hoisted them up with additional support. But as she got older, she found those girders and trusses to be cumbersome, and eventually stopped. But this left her with a huge southernly endowment and no way to contain it. So being an enterprising sort of woman, used to solving problems on her own, she...well, she began tucking ‘them’ into her pant’s waistband. She also began tucking tissues in her waistband, which is how I discovered her new, well, to put it in Star Trek terms, containment field. She had a cold, went for a tissue, and...well, there they were in all their tucked in glory.

And now, as I’m getting older and things are beginning their southernly migration, I’m left in fear of the day they reach their final destination. You see, I’m not endowed with those particular qualities of my grandmother. No matter how southernly mine move, I’ll never be able to harness things in a waistband. I think I’m probably going to have to stick to conventional containment fields. My kids are relieved! LOL

Whenever I hear about older people moving south, I think of my grandmother! So, what sort of aging issues do you worry about??


1 comment:

  1. OMG, that is HILARIOUS, Holly! And it sounds horribly uncomfortable, too. Ow....